Around 2009, when I was quite broken-hearted, I stumbled upon a book by the late Sulami and Sudjinah, two Gerwani leaders who continued their activism after 1965. I finished reading the book on my way from Bekasi to Jakarta. Their stories made my life problems felt so small. I was ashamed. Since then, the stories of the female prisoners of '65 always lighten up my struggle as a woman.
But that was not the first time I felt close to 1965 - the first time was actually when Sulami was still alive. It was 2003. I was a crew of a small documentary film about the role of the Golkar party in the events of '65. We interviewed a few survivors. Sulami was already having difficulties walking. The director asked her to recount the physical tortures she had to endure. The stories flowed quite slowly, but clearly, from her mouth. Her face looked undisturbed, with no expression. She sighed a lot. She said, "I feel that it is hard to forget, hard to forget," which then became the title of the short version of the documentary film. When Sulami left for her room, I helped and lift her. I didn't know what to say. I asked her a bit stupidly, "How do you feel now?" Sulami answered with a bit of a bitter smile, "I feel frightened when I go to sleep at night. I fear that when I wake up, I would wake up in '65." Zely Ariane #1965setiap hari #living1965
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